High Conflict Divorce Secret Weapons
Is it really possible to break free from the chains of your high conflict divorce?
It's more than possible. If you want to know the secrets that can jumpstart your journey towards peace and freedom, keep reading because I'm about to show you how!
Master your Mindset:
So let's get real about high conflict divorces. It's like trying to steer a ship through a thunderstorm, through choppy waters, high winds, and a lot of uncertainty.
To get through it, you have to master your mindset. You have to maintain your emotional balance and find that inner peace. That's yours and only yours and no one can take that away from you. It's really up to you to give up that control. During my coaching program, I work a lot on mindset, but let's focus on radical acceptance…
When you're going through a tumultuous divorce, there is a lot of action required in a short amount of time. For that reason, you need to be deliberate and intentional on how you spend your energy. You need to preserve your energy for achieving your goals because this is a marathon, it's not a sprint. It's important to fully and completely accept the reality of your difficult divorce without any judgement and without any resistance.
Because resistance takes up a lot of energy and a lot of pain. Once you stop resisting, you can now redirect your energy from the WHY to actually ACHIEVING your goals in a strategic way.
Communication is KEY!
The second secret weapon is your communication. Communication is key. IT'S EVERYTHING. If you are in a high conflict divorce, here are key points when receiving hurtful messages from your co-parent:
Do not be compelled to respond quickly out of anger, please put the phone down, take a breath and revisit the message when you are calmer. Only respond when you are ready because you don't need to respond right away. You can respond within 24 hours if the matter is not urgent or isn't an emergency concerning the children. So TAKE YOUR TIME.
There's no need to defend or explain yourself. This is a common initial reaction, but remember that what your ex thinks of you does not matter anymore. This is why you are going through a divorce. Your ex’s opinions simply do not define you. All that matters are the practical, factual details of the message after cleaning away all the debris from it.
Co-parenting like a Pro!
Focus on your children’s well being every single time, no matter how high conflict your co-parent is and you will never go wrong.
Irrespective of what your co-parent says or how they act, you must act from your authentic best self as an amazing co-parent. This is by being reasonable, amicable and collaborative. I know this is easier said than done, but you are doing this for your children and you are not concerned about what your ex thinks or feels. This helps minimize the court’s focus on petty details, so they focus on the important matters, such as your children’s mental, emotional and physical safety. Finally, your children will always remember that you took the high road.
Choose your Counsel Wisely.
The last secret weapon is your counsel. Getting into the court system is tricky. Don't rush into hiring the first lawyer you meet. Find someone who understands the complexities of high conflict divorces and is ready to be your legal ally. You need a lawyer that will prepare you for your battles but also strategizes for peace. It's about finding that delicate balance.
Like I said, going through a high conflict divorce is never easy, but with these insights, you'll be more prepared for the path ahead.